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A community of cancer survivors supporting each other.

Scan Results, very sad

It's hard to know how to start this post, after getting news that no one wants.  As most of you know I am the caretaker for my husband who has pancreatic cancer, found early.  I guess that doesn't matter now since it's stage four and metastisized at this point.  Roger had surger a year ago and was NED last October.  In January there was one spot but the oncologist said it was to small to biopsy and he didn't know what it was.  We went to Arizona for a month with his  blessings.  In mid March he started having pain in his chest.  Upon returning home a scan was done that told us there is a tumor at the surgery site next to his pancreas.  They ordered a PET scan that told us the cancer had spread to both lungs and to several lymph nodes around his stomach.  We weren't surprised with the amount of pain he was experiencing.  So what's next.... We are not giving up but not looking for a cure either, there isn't any.  We are looking for more quality time. 

Next week Roger will be starting 5-FU therapy, a much more toxic chemo than he has had before.  Pain medication has been changed to long acting morphine and 10 mgs of oxycodone for breakthrough pain.  This has been the most effective medication so far and we are satisfied. 

We are pretty much at peace with the news and are talking about the future.  It is no longer uncertain.  It helps when you have a treatment plan, but it also helps a lot when you can openly talk with your partner about what we would like to see happen as we travel this journey.  Also, what life will be like after death for the survivor.  I want to live in our house for a few more years.  Our business is selling soon but we have staffed it so we don't have to put any more personal time in.  I will be home with him and we are going to garden, walk the dog and see family and friends when we can.  Life can still be good, we are going to make the best of the time we have.



Rosemary likes this post.
Thomas, Lisa threw a punch at your cancer.
9 people sent you a prayer.
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I'm so sorry. I went thru this with my cousin last month. Her cancer just wouldn't respond to anything they did. She stopped treatment in Feb I think and she passed in April. She went to hospice. She didn't want pain. I don't know if your husband is there yet, he is still being treated. I wanted her to continue also, but she had enough. Did they doctor tell him how much time he had? I'm so sorry, enjoy each other, we all go thru it and it sucks, I will pray for you for strength. Take care.
3 people like this comment
I think sometimes it's better not to tell. My cousin went downhill when they started with hospice and a time limit. I was very angry they did that. It was a PA also, not the doctor. Good think I wasn't there, it would have gotten ugly.
Thank you so much Laurie. Yes he has a lot of pain but just got medicine that has finally helped. Roger said today was 100% better than yesterday. He is going to have chemo as long as he can tolerate it. When and if he can't do it anymore, he will stop. He has said he wants quality over more time and I can understand that. They haven't predicted a time frame or maybe they just didn't tell us.
Thomas, Laurie like this comment
I’m very sorry Deborah, my heart aches for you both. You have a beautiful outlook on your time together and it’s apparent you’ve made every effort to make this hardship as positive as possible. You are a wonderful partner. My thoughts are with you.
4 people like this comment
Thank you Kim. You know, since we seemed to accept it, life got easier. The task now is to relax and try to make it as make this time happy and memorable.
Kim, Thomas like this comment
*soft paw* Damn cancer. It makes us so damn angry. I rarely swear, but cancer brings the worst out of me. We're so sorry to read your post but admire your attitude - cancer can't take that away from you. Bless you both. We have paws and fingers crossed for lots more quality time yet to make those precious memories. Hugs xx :*)
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Sweet Sophie, I am flattered beyond woofs ... but no, I am happily married to an adorabubble English (Yorkieshire) labbie who now lives at the Bridge. We met when I was 3 (and Keely was 5) and got married on my 4th birthday. I am now 11 *smiles* Unfortunately lymphoma took her just after her 7th birthday. Damn cancer. Stay close to mum and dad, darling .. they will be finding much joy in your love xx :*)
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Thomas, I always love hearing from you. We know we have each other and are here for each other. Time has gotten sweeter. Sophie wants to know if you are single and how she can meet you.
Thomas likes this comment
I am so sorry. My wife Barbara ha d a Stage IV diagnosis from the beginning. I haven’t seen many examples where surgery postponed the inevitable, and I also know that nothing prepares you for the loss of the love of your life. It just totally sucks. All I can say is talk, talk, talk. I only wish I had more recordings of her to play. She was very self-conscious and did not like to be recorded, but I miss her sweet voice, Make sure you get your husband to record some kind words for you!
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Thanks Lauren, that is a very good idea that I wouldn't have thought of. Will defiantly be doing that. We always knew the inevitable but remained hopeful that his NED status would give him more time. It didn't give us much but we are thankful for what we had and still have. I hope you are doing well in your journey through grief. I think of you often, and of course Neal who has been a great help to me.
Thomas likes this comment
I am so very sorry you both have to endure this. It does seem that you have a beautiful lease on your time together. I hope you both have beautiful, loving, memorable moments together in the time to come.
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Thank you Brittany, that is our goal. We can't make this damn cancer go away but we won't let it take everything from us. Life is better this way. God bless you.
Brittany, Thomas like this comment
So sorry to read this. My mother passed quickly after being dx 6 months with pancreatic cancer. We were told 2-3 years at her stage, but you can never predict life. Quality is the best. I would definitely record your conversations, as this is one thing I do miss. I have quite a number of old photographs in which I do not know all of the people in them. This is another thing I would like to have done with my Mom. Record memories and moments. Prayers for both of you as you go forward.
Thomas, Deborah like this comment
Thank you Laura. PC is so unpredictable and aggressive. We were expecting the cancer had spread but not this much. The pain is now under control so we can have a daily life. Surgery for those that can have it extends life a bit and for a few cures it. But that number is small but you don't want to not take that chance. Being at peace helps us to enjoy each other much more. We were not always at peace.

I'm sorry about your mother. They didn't give us a time frame because he will still be having some treatments and really nobody really knows what will happen from here. I'm so thankful for the suggestion to record conversations and messages.
Laura likes this comment
I send lots of love to you and Roger

Cancer, chemo, pain
Sorrow shedding cleansing tears
Nothing quite the same

As I breathe the same air that you do, my heart and body feel the ache that you must be feeling... I keep both of you in my thoughts and my prayers and I hope the meds keep Roger comfortable
Deborah, Thomas like this comment
Thank you Neal.
Don't give up hope. Contact SusanJ, her hubby, "the Incredible Hulk", has had several years of success with a breast cancer drug, I believe? They received treatment from a Doctor O'Reilly, she's in NYC. Just a suggestion as he gained another 6+ years using a different treatment plan. MGBY, John
Deborah, Nathan like this comment
Hello John, Thank you for your suggestions. Susan J has been in touch, she is a rock. We are seeing a team of specialists at Dana Farber in Boston but are able to receive the same treatment at our local hospital. They are also testing his tumor for additional treatments. The Dr's say it's to early to give up and we are not. But we know we have no time to waste in our relationship and want to make it a good time regardless of the damn cancer.
John likes this comment
I am sorry you are in the situation you are in. It is a sad, but precious, love filled time.

A good friend re-connected with her first true love, only to find out 2 months later he had pancreatic cancer. They glowed together. They spent an amazing 1 1/2 years together. Savoring each moment, as if to make up for lost time. They would spend the time between treatments in Florida. That time together was so precious.

My Dad had spindle cell sarcoma, grade 4 in his cervical area. Tumor removed 3 times, and the Docs said he couldn't have a 4th tumor removal. After the cancer metastasized to his lungs, he decided not to treat it since there could be no more removals of his Spindle Cell Tumor in his neck. He did go onto Hospice.

That time was precious. Friends and family all came to celebrate life and cherish the time with Dad. He lived a few months. When he started showing limb weakness again (for the 4th time in his cancer journey) we called the immediate family together for a final weekend together. It was heartwarming. Dad got to spend time with grandchildren.

Go forward with love, grace, and togetherness. Prayers to you both.
Deborah, John like this comment
Hello DeAnna, It seems you have had more than your share of experience with end of life periods. This is a precious love filled time. We are sharing our thoughts that we always took for granted. I know this time will live on with me. I love your last line, I think I will make that my mantra, not just for now but for the rest of my life. It's beautiful and appreciated. This site has been my life saver. Hugs to you.
I'm sorry for your news. But your attitude is positive and needs to stay that way though it's tough. Heck, its tough to keep upbeat WITHOUT cancer involved. But.....we appreciate life on a deeper level, I believe. Day by day, that's how to approach it. And the funny thing about days? They turn into weeks, months and years of living life. God bless 👍🏻
Deborah likes this comment
Thanks Marcia. Somehow we get through this, but enjoying each individual day separately helps. When I can do nothing else, I give him my company. I hope you had a nice mothers day. I know you have a couple of furry kids.
Marcia, John like this comment
I'm sorry to hear this and read this. It just sucks and I have no words to help. Keep up the fight as long as you can and maybe you will be blessed with more time than you think you will have. Enjoy the little things and have him write things down in a journal you too. I hope the doctors can figure some things out and get you some help.
Deborah likes this comment
Thank you Nathan. We are doing well despite.
Godbless you and your husband.
Deborah likes this comment
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Vital Info


January 24, 2017

Skowhegan, Maine 04976

March 17, 1952

Loved One is a Cancer Survivor/Fighter

Cancer Info

Pancreas Cancer

Pancreatic Cancer

October 24, 2016

Stage 1

1.1 - 2.0 cm



Pain, rugged treatment and side effects. Uncertainty

We have today



Not yet



Maine Med, Dr. Rutstein

Done think about it all the time

October 15


Pain, fatigue, loss of appetitie, depression and anxiety.

Declined radiation on advice from second opinion from Dana Farber

None available

None avaliable



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